Aren't black sheep normally black because they don't fit into the moral schema of a family or community? How is it, then, that being at home for the holidays doesn't feel like home at all? How is it that I feel more out of place here than when I began my undergrad in a foreign country, the only person from my home state, district, etc., etc.? I look in the mirror and see my dad. I make certain gestures, and my siblings stare at me from the reflective surface. Even my 4'11 1/2" mom comes out sometimes. Yet I wonder how it is that everyone here can be so stressed, so distracted. How can a group of self-proclaimed "open-minded" people assume that the entire world exists within a bubble 50 miles in diameter, the center of which happens to be the house from which I'm posting? What about the west coast, the midwest...the next state, for that matter? So many people with so many opinions and points of view...yet, they're all "blind" to the real problems of the world. My opinions are taken with an "mm-hmm" and passed over like the coleslaw on the Christmas buffet table. "He's different," they all think. Maybe so, but is one a black sheep because he/she believes in freedom for everyone, opportunities for everyone, holy solutions for everyone? Just venting, I guess. That's what we black sheep do.
5 comments:
Well, black sheep, know you're not alone. There are two more black sheep up in New Jersey, New Brunswick that feel much like you do: outcasts in our own families. Have faith my dear brother in Christ! It's a challenge to learn to love those who disagree with you, even ignore you or mock you. But remember that Jesus was disagreed with, ignored, and mocked too. Have faith! Keep your hope! Love is still there.
Hi Lynn. I was pleased to discover you are a blogger. I can relate to the misfit-with-family syndrome. The syndrome is probably more common than we think. By the way, it's kind of nice to hear someone be honest enough to vent about it. props to you.
Do you think that this "outcast among family" thing is found in post-college students across the board or do you think that it is more isolated among those who have had experiences similar to ours?
My feelings of not belonging started after my internship and I don't think that they are going to get much better until I have settled into a place that is my own... the place where God wants me, where I feel like I've "started MY life". I hate feeling so disconnected from everything. I never cease to be amazed at the behavior of my family and how far I feel from being "home".
When do you think we move passed these feelings? Ever?
"I couldn't be the black sheep! Because we were all Black! HAHA..I love Wingrove"
Wingrove Taylor
When do we move past these things? Good question. And by the way, thanks to several of you for giving me a little support group here. I'm not sure when I'll move past this black sheep feeling, but I hope it's soon. I don't like feeling outcast because I don't talk about sex all the time and because I don't want to cuss out the next family member that walks in the room. Okay, so they don't all do that. However, when I was offended by the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, I thought for a moment that I might be from another planet. Was my family always like this? Has the family I've started (yeah...just the two of us) really begun so differently than my upbringing? Maybe not. Maybe it's just a new perspective. Intriguing.
On a positive note, my mom has a great boyfriend.
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