I am a very passionate person, but tend to keep that passion under pretty tight reigns... when I can. However, there often comes a day when I encounter the thing... and suddenly passion begins to take over...
Life is moving along, there are dishes in the sink, the floor is filthy, my bathroom is filthy, and drying laundry is draped all over the house... no problem. We are having some financial stresses and have some uncertainties regarding the future... we're still okay... but then, out of the blue, there comes that one thing that pushes me over the edge. It's that one thing that makes me say, "Okay, that's enough! Lord, it's time to intervene!"
Right now I have a thing. It's the toilet. For some reason, I am incapable of flushing our toilet. I seemed to flush it fine from January through April, but the past few weeks, I find myself incapable of flushing the toilet. I'd like to think that it's not me, that it's a recent problem developing with the toilet flusher... but no. Every time I flush it makes a water-swishing sound and then... nothing. Lynn however, can come in the bathroom, press the flusher, and all is well. But no, not me. I am incapable of flushing the toilet. The worst part about the whole thing, is if it doesn't work the first time, then it takes another half hour to refill so I can try again. What am I supposed to do? wait for a half hour just to flush the toilet? or leave the toilet unflushed hoping that no one needs to use the washroom within a half hour, if I even remember to come back to it?
The long and short of it is, the toilet's flushing abilities have little if anything to do with it. It jut happens to be my thing right now. I've always remembered one of Pastor Kevin Matthews sermons at Moncton Wesleyan that talked about this. I don't actually remember any real spiritual content of the message; but I've always remembered that if Pastor Kevin has had a bad day and comes home from work and walks into the kitchen and one of the kitchen cupboard doors is open, then he loses it. He just can't stand when the cupboard doors are left open. But it's not really about the cupboard doors, it's about everthing else that happened earlier in his day.
So what do you think? Do you have a thing?
(Natasha)
My thing is not always a toilet problem... hopefully they're too rare to consistently manifest themselves in a season of distress...
30 May 2007
28 May 2007
Fences
Last night at SOAK, we talked about building fences (or boundaries) in relationships. Someone brought up an interesting point that got me thinking. Someone mentioned we are often too quick to put up a boundary with someone when we feel hurt by them. We feel hurt, so we begin to write that person off as a friend, sometimes calling them a "toxic" person. Often we need to realize that our boundary for someone is often put up, in such a situation, because of ourselves. We have a feeling, we took offense, or we wrote the person off, indicating that we have a problem.
Here's where my thinking begins. While you don't have the context of the conversation, hopefully you get the point above. We have problems, and we blame other people or other circumstances. (Maybe I should just say "I" here, but I doubt I'm alone on this.) Someone hurts us by hitting on a nerve we don't want to face, so we shut them out. The problem? My nerve. Or we begin to hold someone at a distance for fear that we might be hurt or they might not be a friend. The problem? My fear. Or even worse, we set up a boundary because someone's action or involvement in our lives uncovers an area in which we don't trust someone close to us. The problem? Either my mistrust or the problems of someone close to me that I don't want to face.
I have a few family members who say to each other in disagreement, "That sounds like your problem," if one or the other says, "You make me mad," or, "That was a hurtful thing to say." While I don't agree that a person has no responsibility for my feelings, I do think we are entirely too quick not to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships. If we hurt someone, we often point to people in our past (or present), events in our past (or present), or circumstances in our past (or present) in order to provide a "reason" why we act the way we do. We're caught up in the "I can't help it" game just to save ourselves and/or our reputations. Rather than admit we have room to grow and allow someone close to us to help us through it, we push the problem on them, on our past, or on some factor in our present that renders us "helpless" to do anything but behave poorly or set up a fence too quickly. We make it inconceivable that we have any room to grow because that would make us capable of hurting another person and responsible for contributing to a relationship problem.
Let's face two things here: 1) Sometimes boundaries do need to be established, but we are quick to do that in order to protect ourselves rather than to work through something, and 2) We're human! That's right, human. In other words, we aren't going to have perfect relationships, and we're going to hurt and be hurt. Even very godly people who love each other can hurt and be hurt. Even "free" people who seemingly have "arrived" at a place in which they have no human foibles anymore are subject to miscommunication and misunderstanding, meaning that hurt is still possible. We are so quick to protect ourselves by building fences that demand grace be given to us for our past, our present, etc., but we rarely extend the grace to other people to consider their past, their present, etc. And we almost never acknowledge misunderstanding.
Two closing remarks:
1) In light of this, it seems, then, that we should work harder in our relationships not to hold people at a distance. We should bring people closer, taking the risk that hurt brings. After all, Proverbs tells us that a wound from a friend can be trusted. In other words, if someone loves us, they probably don't intend harm if they wound us. They're probably the ones who can help us work through it.
2) Sometimes boundaries really are necessary, but it's probably not a good idea to set one up until you've tried to work on a relationship through honesty among all parties. Once you've accepted your responsibility and brought that to the Lord to release offense/bitterness and/or unforgiveness, there remains a time of openness and honesty with the offender. If the offender chooses blindness and won't accept the possibility of shared responsibility, then it seems a boundary has already been drawn by that person. I'm not saying I'm 100% right on this, but it seems, at that point, that this is a good time to start building and painting that fence.
(Lynn)
Here's where my thinking begins. While you don't have the context of the conversation, hopefully you get the point above. We have problems, and we blame other people or other circumstances. (Maybe I should just say "I" here, but I doubt I'm alone on this.) Someone hurts us by hitting on a nerve we don't want to face, so we shut them out. The problem? My nerve. Or we begin to hold someone at a distance for fear that we might be hurt or they might not be a friend. The problem? My fear. Or even worse, we set up a boundary because someone's action or involvement in our lives uncovers an area in which we don't trust someone close to us. The problem? Either my mistrust or the problems of someone close to me that I don't want to face.
I have a few family members who say to each other in disagreement, "That sounds like your problem," if one or the other says, "You make me mad," or, "That was a hurtful thing to say." While I don't agree that a person has no responsibility for my feelings, I do think we are entirely too quick not to take responsibility for ourselves in our relationships. If we hurt someone, we often point to people in our past (or present), events in our past (or present), or circumstances in our past (or present) in order to provide a "reason" why we act the way we do. We're caught up in the "I can't help it" game just to save ourselves and/or our reputations. Rather than admit we have room to grow and allow someone close to us to help us through it, we push the problem on them, on our past, or on some factor in our present that renders us "helpless" to do anything but behave poorly or set up a fence too quickly. We make it inconceivable that we have any room to grow because that would make us capable of hurting another person and responsible for contributing to a relationship problem.
Let's face two things here: 1) Sometimes boundaries do need to be established, but we are quick to do that in order to protect ourselves rather than to work through something, and 2) We're human! That's right, human. In other words, we aren't going to have perfect relationships, and we're going to hurt and be hurt. Even very godly people who love each other can hurt and be hurt. Even "free" people who seemingly have "arrived" at a place in which they have no human foibles anymore are subject to miscommunication and misunderstanding, meaning that hurt is still possible. We are so quick to protect ourselves by building fences that demand grace be given to us for our past, our present, etc., but we rarely extend the grace to other people to consider their past, their present, etc. And we almost never acknowledge misunderstanding.
Two closing remarks:
1) In light of this, it seems, then, that we should work harder in our relationships not to hold people at a distance. We should bring people closer, taking the risk that hurt brings. After all, Proverbs tells us that a wound from a friend can be trusted. In other words, if someone loves us, they probably don't intend harm if they wound us. They're probably the ones who can help us work through it.
2) Sometimes boundaries really are necessary, but it's probably not a good idea to set one up until you've tried to work on a relationship through honesty among all parties. Once you've accepted your responsibility and brought that to the Lord to release offense/bitterness and/or unforgiveness, there remains a time of openness and honesty with the offender. If the offender chooses blindness and won't accept the possibility of shared responsibility, then it seems a boundary has already been drawn by that person. I'm not saying I'm 100% right on this, but it seems, at that point, that this is a good time to start building and painting that fence.
(Lynn)
21 May 2007
19 May 2007
Sketchy
There's a sketchy part of town off Brunswick St. that has scrap metal piled high and dirt all over the place. If you drive into downtown from the east side, you can't miss the eyesore, which happens to be close to the air force building that is in need of repair. This area is, of course, just off the railroad tracks, where several people are known to walk alone at night. As if that weren't sketchy enough, carnival rides and booths recently started being erected in the parking lot by the air force building, with the scrap metal pile in the background. Driving through there at dusk earlier this week, I couldn't help but take a second glance to see if any "carnies" would peek out from behind the ferris wheel or tilt-a-whirl.
17 May 2007
Blessed!
Well, what can we say!? The Lord looks out for His own :)
Lynn and I went to the grocery store on Tuesday in fear and trepidation :) (Not really... I'm usually more afraid than Lynn!)
We were having family for company and were in much need of groceries... so off we went. We had a little difficulty at the cash, but lo and behold, we walked out with our groceries, ready to host our dearly loved family members!
When my cousin, her husband, and their nephew arrived just before 7:00 pm to stay for the night, we thought we were receiving a blessing of family fellowship. This we did receive, but also more! Steven, my cousin's husband, is the head chef at a restaurant on PEI. He has several contacts in the food industry and gets all his meats on special deals. As he was bringing in their luggage, they dragged in a big, blue cooler. They opened it up and presented to us a truckload (not really...) of meat! There were ribs, haddock, lobster (still alive!), and scallops galore! Steven then preceded to host us in our "own" home and we ate lobster and scallops for a late supper/snack :)
Isn't that wonderful! We had a surprise visit from our family and a surprise blessing of provision from the Lord!
What can I say? We're blessed!
13 May 2007
Mothers
Neither of us is a mother, but we have lots of friends who are! We've sent congrats to our moms and will probably call them today, too. For our "mother" friends who check this today, be blessed and Happy Mother's Day!
12 May 2007
FYI
Well, for your information, my personal blog is now open for anyone to read and comment.
www.natasha-erskine.blogspot.com
Natasha
www.natasha-erskine.blogspot.com
Natasha
11 May 2007
Why I Blog Infrequently
A new post is better than commenting on Natasha's post below, particularly since we are sharing about two different topics.
Contrary to popular rumors, I check our blog frequently. I actually spend time reading it regularly. I have two excuses for not posting more frequently:
1) Natasha often posts, and I see little need to have two posts per day on a regular basis. She often posts about things we discuss, and I rarely have a better way of writing what she expresses. We think more alike all the time.
2) I post infrequently for the same reason I suspect many people we know post infrequently. We tend to think of good blogging ideas at inopportune times. Let's not lie; I forget what I want to write. I'm no less opinionated. I just exercise good time management at work (meaning I rarely open our blog there); I like staying active in the community (meaning I don't take my blog with me everywhere I go); and I can't remember everything I think or do in the run of a day or week. :)
There you have it.
Contrary to popular rumors, I check our blog frequently. I actually spend time reading it regularly. I have two excuses for not posting more frequently:
1) Natasha often posts, and I see little need to have two posts per day on a regular basis. She often posts about things we discuss, and I rarely have a better way of writing what she expresses. We think more alike all the time.
2) I post infrequently for the same reason I suspect many people we know post infrequently. We tend to think of good blogging ideas at inopportune times. Let's not lie; I forget what I want to write. I'm no less opinionated. I just exercise good time management at work (meaning I rarely open our blog there); I like staying active in the community (meaning I don't take my blog with me everywhere I go); and I can't remember everything I think or do in the run of a day or week. :)
There you have it.
A question.
(Editorial insert from Lynn: "Turnips" are now on recipe blog.)
I have a question. Please respond if you legitimately have an opinion.
Should I open up my other blog, a more personal journal, to be read publicly?
Here's the thing... I canceled my other blog ages ago because I found it difficult to balance sharing the private thoughts of my heart with "fellowshipping" casually among friends in this world of blogdom. I needed a outlet while I was on my internship, and thus started a blog... but didn't realize my own susceptibility to the comparisons that can easily take place when we begin sharing personal things about our journey with the Lord, etc on our blogs.
I then joined Lynn's blog - this blog - which He in turn transformed into a romantic expression of our oneness as only he would... However, now I find that He rarely blogs, I often blog, and comments are made mostly by the same females who had commented on my previous blog! So what have I accomplished in changing over to this blog? ...very little.
The problem is... I really enjoy sharing my thoughts with you. The Lord is often leading me to write and it burns within me to share... So I opened a new blog as my own personal journal that is not opened to anyone to read except Lynn. I have tried to keep this one more casual and focused on the happenings of mine and Lynn's life, a casual opportunity to keep in touch with friends. However, I still find myself sharing personal things on this blog because I really want to share. Sometimes I write in my other blog and its everything I can do not to copy and paste into this one where people can read it and share their thoughts...
Here's what I'm thinking... Keep this blog a family blog for Lynn and I (hopefully he will blog more...) and open up my other blog to be read by others... (though I may not allow for comments yet only because of my own susceptibility to get caught up in what you think...)
Does anyone else struggle with the line between personal journaling and casually keeping in contact with people? Does anyone else feel the susceptibility to compare your posts to someone else's? as though one could be more "spiritual" or better than another?
I have a question. Please respond if you legitimately have an opinion.
Should I open up my other blog, a more personal journal, to be read publicly?
Here's the thing... I canceled my other blog ages ago because I found it difficult to balance sharing the private thoughts of my heart with "fellowshipping" casually among friends in this world of blogdom. I needed a outlet while I was on my internship, and thus started a blog... but didn't realize my own susceptibility to the comparisons that can easily take place when we begin sharing personal things about our journey with the Lord, etc on our blogs.
I then joined Lynn's blog - this blog - which He in turn transformed into a romantic expression of our oneness as only he would... However, now I find that He rarely blogs, I often blog, and comments are made mostly by the same females who had commented on my previous blog! So what have I accomplished in changing over to this blog? ...very little.
The problem is... I really enjoy sharing my thoughts with you. The Lord is often leading me to write and it burns within me to share... So I opened a new blog as my own personal journal that is not opened to anyone to read except Lynn. I have tried to keep this one more casual and focused on the happenings of mine and Lynn's life, a casual opportunity to keep in touch with friends. However, I still find myself sharing personal things on this blog because I really want to share. Sometimes I write in my other blog and its everything I can do not to copy and paste into this one where people can read it and share their thoughts...
Here's what I'm thinking... Keep this blog a family blog for Lynn and I (hopefully he will blog more...) and open up my other blog to be read by others... (though I may not allow for comments yet only because of my own susceptibility to get caught up in what you think...)
Does anyone else struggle with the line between personal journaling and casually keeping in contact with people? Does anyone else feel the susceptibility to compare your posts to someone else's? as though one could be more "spiritual" or better than another?
08 May 2007
Weekend update.
Last weekend was extremely busy... and extremely rewarding!
Saturday, Lynn led our 2nd quarterly Worship Workshop, which was once again... fabulous. It started at 9:00 am and finished at 3:00 pm. This time we discussed such topics as Worship and Performance, Worship as Service and Obedience, the Function and Practice of Worship Teams, and Songwriting. We always begin with a time of worship (a setting where Lynn has a little more freedom to introduce new songs and new styles of worship); followed by a time of testimony and discussion concerning the positive aspects as well as the distractions during that time. So far, we have had small numbers, which has made for very intimate times with the Lord and one another! So good!
(Seeing Lynn in this role births so many visions in my heart. He is so excellent at bringing people together and learning about the Lord. God has blessed him with the anointing and gracious spirit that compels others to seek, ask, and knock... and of course find, and receive! Praise the Lord!)
Sunday morning was my (Natasha's) first time preaching here at Immanuel. It went well; though it was a humbling and stretching experience for me. I have "long" since settled my arguments with the Lord concerning my call to teach the Word of God; and now face the enduring hard work of obedience down the road ahead... I am incapable of such a life, nor would I ever have chosen it. But if I remain in Him and He in me, I will bear much fruit; apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15:5).
Sunday after church, Lynn and I left just ahead of our choir to New Beginnings Church in Dartmouth, NS as the guest choir and speaker (Lynn) for their Anniversary Service. This is a black church in our Baptist convention with which we are building a strong family and musical relationship. The evening was full of joy and excitement as we celebrated together, black and white, in many different styles, in the presence of the Lord, for the faithfulness of God. We sang, ate, and listened to a powerful message Lynn spoke on Jeremiah 29:11. We also ate and drank of the Lord amidst the fellowship of believers. "Poor" Lynn wore many hats that day as he played, sang, directed, and preached... jumping from one position to the next! But it was so worth it for the fellowship we shared and the impact this experience had on our choir.
As the cherry on the cake... (except no one even likes cherries, so why do we use that expression? It should be more like the yummy and decorative chocolate shavings...) we spent the rest of Sunday evening with the wonderful Wiedmaiers until we were kicked out of Starbucks, and then until our toes were numb from the cold pavement of the parking lot...
So life is good and God is great!
Praise His Holy Name!
Saturday, Lynn led our 2nd quarterly Worship Workshop, which was once again... fabulous. It started at 9:00 am and finished at 3:00 pm. This time we discussed such topics as Worship and Performance, Worship as Service and Obedience, the Function and Practice of Worship Teams, and Songwriting. We always begin with a time of worship (a setting where Lynn has a little more freedom to introduce new songs and new styles of worship); followed by a time of testimony and discussion concerning the positive aspects as well as the distractions during that time. So far, we have had small numbers, which has made for very intimate times with the Lord and one another! So good!
(Seeing Lynn in this role births so many visions in my heart. He is so excellent at bringing people together and learning about the Lord. God has blessed him with the anointing and gracious spirit that compels others to seek, ask, and knock... and of course find, and receive! Praise the Lord!)
Sunday morning was my (Natasha's) first time preaching here at Immanuel. It went well; though it was a humbling and stretching experience for me. I have "long" since settled my arguments with the Lord concerning my call to teach the Word of God; and now face the enduring hard work of obedience down the road ahead... I am incapable of such a life, nor would I ever have chosen it. But if I remain in Him and He in me, I will bear much fruit; apart from Him I can do nothing (John 15:5).
Sunday after church, Lynn and I left just ahead of our choir to New Beginnings Church in Dartmouth, NS as the guest choir and speaker (Lynn) for their Anniversary Service. This is a black church in our Baptist convention with which we are building a strong family and musical relationship. The evening was full of joy and excitement as we celebrated together, black and white, in many different styles, in the presence of the Lord, for the faithfulness of God. We sang, ate, and listened to a powerful message Lynn spoke on Jeremiah 29:11. We also ate and drank of the Lord amidst the fellowship of believers. "Poor" Lynn wore many hats that day as he played, sang, directed, and preached... jumping from one position to the next! But it was so worth it for the fellowship we shared and the impact this experience had on our choir.
As the cherry on the cake... (except no one even likes cherries, so why do we use that expression? It should be more like the yummy and decorative chocolate shavings...) we spent the rest of Sunday evening with the wonderful Wiedmaiers until we were kicked out of Starbucks, and then until our toes were numb from the cold pavement of the parking lot...
So life is good and God is great!
Praise His Holy Name!
02 May 2007
A Miracle.
Yesterday, we saw a miracle. For the second time, our computer just died. It all of a sudden just wouldn't turn on. We had paid to have it fixed not too long ago and we have no more money to put into a computer right now. Lynn also had Greek homework due last night and thus needed the Bible study software and resources on this computer. So we prayed...
While Lynn was at work I said, "Lord, this is just not okay. It is, actually, unacceptable. You know we need this computer and we don't have the time or finances to make this thing work. For the sake of you Name, Lord, fix this computer!"
Lynn came home a few hours later and tried the computer. It didn't work. We said, "Lord there are no if's, and's, or but's about this one. You just need to make this work."
Lo and behold... it turned on!
We weren't yelling at God or wielding some manipulative power over Him. We just knew His will and this broken computer was not matching up with His will. So we boldly declared it to be fixed and God did it. We were so blessed by this miracle and immediately praised the Lord. He was with us! He heard our prayer and answered it immediately. Praise His holy, gracious Name!!
This has helped build our faith for the many things we are believing God for right now! In particular, the finances for our home, and the right job for me.
"Did I not say that if you will believe Me, you will see the glory of God!" John 11:40
While Lynn was at work I said, "Lord, this is just not okay. It is, actually, unacceptable. You know we need this computer and we don't have the time or finances to make this thing work. For the sake of you Name, Lord, fix this computer!"
Lynn came home a few hours later and tried the computer. It didn't work. We said, "Lord there are no if's, and's, or but's about this one. You just need to make this work."
Lo and behold... it turned on!
We weren't yelling at God or wielding some manipulative power over Him. We just knew His will and this broken computer was not matching up with His will. So we boldly declared it to be fixed and God did it. We were so blessed by this miracle and immediately praised the Lord. He was with us! He heard our prayer and answered it immediately. Praise His holy, gracious Name!!
This has helped build our faith for the many things we are believing God for right now! In particular, the finances for our home, and the right job for me.
"Did I not say that if you will believe Me, you will see the glory of God!" John 11:40
Laughs.
You guys are awesome :). Your comments about babies and recipes were really very funny... Both will come soon enough (though hopefully recipes sooner than the other!).
For now, I would appreciate your prayers as I am looking for a job. I feel as though God has released something in me after graduation... I really want a job in the community where I can build relationships (and settle down... start a family...). There is a women's federal prison in town and I would love to work there!!! Can you imagine being a chaplain or something in a place like that!? Would they even let me talk about Jesus? And if they didn't... would I anyway!?
Anyway... who knows what the next few months will hold. My prayer is "Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness... make straight your way before me... For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield" (Psalm 5:8, 12). The Lord brought me to these verses just prior to grad and then used the commencement sermon as confirmation (it was all about walking with God's favor). This is an act of discipline for me to not worry about how we're going to pay for our house, etc... and scrounge around in all sorts of directions looking for a job. But to keep walking straight ahead, not looking to the left or the right, and believing God to orchestrate divine appointments and lead us in the straight path of righteousness for His Name's sake.
So I am walking into the blessings of God, living by faith and not by sight! Here is my next season... A season of Life and community relationships, a season of radiating the dark corners of Truro with the glorious light of Christ...
Bring it!
(Natasha)
For now, I would appreciate your prayers as I am looking for a job. I feel as though God has released something in me after graduation... I really want a job in the community where I can build relationships (and settle down... start a family...). There is a women's federal prison in town and I would love to work there!!! Can you imagine being a chaplain or something in a place like that!? Would they even let me talk about Jesus? And if they didn't... would I anyway!?
Anyway... who knows what the next few months will hold. My prayer is "Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness... make straight your way before me... For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield" (Psalm 5:8, 12). The Lord brought me to these verses just prior to grad and then used the commencement sermon as confirmation (it was all about walking with God's favor). This is an act of discipline for me to not worry about how we're going to pay for our house, etc... and scrounge around in all sorts of directions looking for a job. But to keep walking straight ahead, not looking to the left or the right, and believing God to orchestrate divine appointments and lead us in the straight path of righteousness for His Name's sake.
So I am walking into the blessings of God, living by faith and not by sight! Here is my next season... A season of Life and community relationships, a season of radiating the dark corners of Truro with the glorious light of Christ...
Bring it!
(Natasha)
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