Giving Glory

(If you hate moose, don't read the first paragraph.)

First, I have seen three moose in the past 48 hours. I told the Lord I'd give Him glory if I saw one back in July. Now I've seen three. Three! THREE!!! Two of them were bulls, both of whom were running across the road in front of me when I saw them. Those two were during the day. The one I saw in Bridgewater this morning actually stopped and stayed just off the side of the road so I could watch him as I drove by. He wasn't as big as the first bull. The other moose was actually the first one I saw. We were driving home the other night when we passed Myrtle Tree (see flower pics in my flickr thing). Standing off the side of the road eating leaves was a cow moose. She was gone when I turned around to show Natasha. Still, it was a moose!

Second, the Lord is amazing to speak His Word to us faithfully! I was having one of those flesh-vs-spirit times earlier today while listening to CFNI's most recent CD. ("Unto the Lamb" is just as good on the CD, in my opinion, as on the DVD.) The worship leader said, "Whomever the Son has set free is free indeed." The rhema Word of God rushed into my spirit like a whirlwind. I thought, "Yes. Free indeed." Then I spoke it out loud. My disappointment fled, and I knew the Word had been spoken so I could revel in God's freedom. I'm growing in that freedom every day. Sometimes I'm tempted to think I'm not free because I don't look like Pastor X or church-goer Y. Then the Lord reminds me that our salvation isn't about levels and lines to cross. To the contrary, it's about knowing Him more everyday. Do I know Him as completely as I can right now? I think so. Do I know Him as completely as I "should?" Probably not. Yet, somehow, He's okay with me. He loves me still. He's still faithful to speak His rhema Word to me, the kind of Word that is used in Ephesians 6 in the spiritual armor passage (thanks, Beth Moore, for pointing that out to me). We don't have to ask, "Lord, I'm not far enough or good enough, am I?" because He is enough. We don't have to be. He is the level of holiness. We don't have to reach one. He is our portion. We don't have to claim any. He is our riches. We don't have to gain any. He is our beauty. We don't have to achieve any. He is our strength. We don't have to grasp for it. He is our wisdom. We don't have to study for more. He is our everything. We don't have to look for anything else.

Gold

I found out today that gold refined to its absolute purest form is clear like glass. Aside from being a completely cool fact and something beautiful I'd like to see, I think I have a new life goal. The Bible prompts my prayer for the Lord to refine me like gold. My new life goal is that I would be so refined that I would be clear. That way when people look at me they would see through me to Christ!

Something About Marriage

This has been an insane week. I was prepared for my classes to start, but I was not prepared for heavy projects due in the first days of class. I was prepared for a heavy workweek, but I was not prepared for the effect of the long hours on my body. Nor was I prepared for the effect that both things would have on my marriage this week. Don't get me wrong; Natasha is being extremely gracious. My complaint is really with myself. Sometimes when you're married you know you're doing things that aren't helpful to oneness (like working a night shift only to stay up studying afterward). Then you miss your spouse a lot. You don't say anything, though, because your longing just for a brief conversation is your own fault, and you don't need to dump on your spouse.

That's the thing about marriage, though. Communicating what you think and feel is much better than holding it in because you're hurt or your spouse is hurt. Sometimes you have to feel, even embrace, the hurt to get anywhere. When you've married someone you can trust, you can hurt with them without fear of what may happen when you share your wounded heart. It is a great feeling! (And, for what it's worth, this is another reason why a good marriage is a good analogy for the God - human relationship.)

Tenth

We recently had to translate Isaiah 6 from Hebrew into English for our "Exegesis of Isaiah" class. The assignment was my first big translating effort since I took Hebrew last fall. In 6:13 we read about a tenth of the people returning to the land. The Hebrew word was literally translated "tenth." I haven't done much translation of the whole Old Testament (yet), but the "tenth" stuck out to me. The other place the Hebrews talked about a "tenth" was in their tithing system. Could there be any connection between the "tenth" of the people who would return to the land and the "tenth" that would be offered to the Lord?

Rising to the Challenge

The Lord will rise to any challenge. I've seen it many times in other people, but I was blown away when He did it with me yesterday.

Natasha and I talked about my vision for ministry the other day, when she remarked that I should have a very clear vision of God's plan for me before I embark on any intensive ministry. At the time I told her I was resolute that God was behind my motivation for ministry. I told her that He was forming my vision. I also told her I'd give it a lot of thought. That "thought" quickly turned to prayer.

I couldn't imagine why the Lord would birth something so deeply in my heart without giving me something tangible to express. It was as if I had dreams and visions for ministry, but they were somehow obscured. Thus, I challenged the Lord. I asked Him to renew my mind, to help me verbalize a vision this week before my vision had the opportunity to be defined by other people's practices and ideals. It happened as I was e-mailing a pastor friend of mine. Suddenly everything I had seen in my heart and mind since the Lord dramatically revived my heart of worship last March (see the archives) flowed out of me into a three-tiered vision of worship ministry. Puzzle pieces came into place. The storyline flowed. And all this without me "thinking." (That's for you, Natasha and Scott.) :)

Why is this such a big deal? If you know my testimony, then you know I've struggled for years with worship/music ministry. I've had little interest in promoting myself or my vision because of 2 Cor 10:18: "When people commend themselves, it doesn't count for much. The important thing is for the Lord to commend them." Why should my ministry be about me, my talents, or my anointing? It should be about the Lord, so I refused to move ahead until He moved me. That started last spring and has continued ever since. Now I'm in a spiritual crucible in which He's refining what He started years ago - visions, dreams, anointing, call, etc. And I am blessed!

"Praise unto the Lamb who sits on the throne! Honor and power, dominion and praise unto the Lamb who was and is and is to come!" (From "Unto the Lamb," Christ for the Nations)

Fall

There's something about the fall that just feels right. It may be how the breeze blows more softly after the humidity snaps out of the air. It may be the way you can sit tacitly with a cup of green tea, staring out your picture window, watching the green world become a canvas of color. It may be the way everyone returns from their vacations, kids are back in school, and life retains a semblance of normality. Whatever it is, I love the fall.

Woman

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Men tend to think in their caves, while women tend to feel in their wells.

These are gross generalizations that I'm going to rail against so that I feel less like a woman with the picture I'm about to post.

Yes, I love the movie "Pride and Prejudice." I do. It's well done. It's the quintessential "chick flick," except that it's a cultural experience rather than a teeny-bopper B-film. The music is tops, as is the acting. The story is beautiful, and I love the characters. Reason 1) Piano music. I totally bought the soundtrack today. 2) Natasha and I are a lot like Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy. (Pride and stubbornness run rampant in our home, all under the guise of doing the right thing.) :) 3) Natasha and I are deeply in love, whether we admit it or whether we fight. No matter what, we are deeply, madly in love. In those times when we "fight" we still love one another deeply enough that the passion in the fight is actually a passion of love. In those times when we enjoy one another, it's as if the entire world fades away (think the dancing scene). With our families we think only about one another. And it was the realization of both our prides that brought us together in the end (November for me, for example. Elizabeth hip-checked me into Natasha on the way back from Grand Manan because I wouldn't talk to her otherwise. Thanks, Elizabeth!) I feel overwhelmingly happy, delightfully romantic, perfectly happy ever time I think about my Mrs. Erskine. Mrs. Erskine. Mrs. Erskine.

The Clincher

Job 42:5: "I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes."

Until we see Him with our own eyes there is something missing in our experience with God. We can hear about Him, think about Him, understand our thoughts about Him, compartmentalize our experiences, and claim our innocence as good people just like Job did. Job, who was considered one of the wisest and best godly men on earth, had only heard of God to that point. He had all the answers, which he gave throughout the book. When confronted with God, however, he realized he knew nothing. God is so much more than we can think up, dream up, conceive, understand, or feel. What are you doing to seek Him - to see Him?