I spent a fun-filled evening on a "Cruise" last evening! KV holds an annual cruise dinner in which they transform the whole complex into a pseudo-cruise ship for a dinner theater (or theatre, if you're Canadian or from the UK). They did a fine job with decor, and the meal was fabulous! Aside from the treacherous weather conditions that I never should've driven in for over two hours, only one thing about the evening left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Marriage jokes. I hate them. When I was engaged I would hear marriage jokes all the time, referring to women's control-hungriness, men's lack of relational understanding, and an overall lack of freedom. People would warn, "I hope you know what you're getting into." They might joke, "Enjoy these last few weeks of happiness while you have it." Last night one joke was made to an acting couple who had "been married" for 25 years: "Oh...25 years of misery!" Jokes like that continued all night.
I resent such trivial treatment of marriage. Marriage is actually a wonderful time of life when you and your significant other are able to become one, to share all of life together, to enjoy love, to live out friendship. Of course, that requires something more than most of us are willing to give. You hear that marriage requires a lot of work. I suppose that's true, but we have the wrong idea of work. We think we need to work on getting along, work on changing the other person, work on being right. However, what we really need to do is to work on thinking always of the other person first. We need to look at the other person's needs first. We need to think of their desires, their wishes, their sorrows, their...whatever. Our needs will be met by the other person because that kind of true love is reciprocated. Marriage seems less like work when we actually love the other person with the other person in focus. Then we don't have to feel we have less freedom, less happiness, less anything. (I think I will do a D-group about this some time.)
4 comments:
Most times people joke out of their insecurity. Also, some marriage have circumstances that create such pressures and tensions, that a little humour can eleviate. I know you're heart, and I trust it. But the danger in making such statements paints a picture that you're marriage is "perfection" and requires no effort. I would say that if you feel that is the case, maybe a deeper look at a possible ignorant (lack of awarenesS) life is being lived. Just a thought. Like I said, I know what you meant, and I trust your heart, but most people don't.
love you (even thought it doesn't sound like it
roach
Erskine, I'm not married (obviously) but I agree with you whole-heartedly. Humour is one thing but I hate when people paint marriage in general as a bad thing or project their insecurities and issues on other people. That's what I think people are doing when they "warn" you about what "you're getting into".
The roach probably does know my heart here, but it occurs to me that not everyone may get me. I am NOT saying that marriage does not take work. What I am saying is that marriage takes a different kind of work than what many of us do or are willing to do. Marriage takes the work of puting ourselves after our spouses. It takes the work of loving the spouse unconditionally, caring for him/her always, looking first for their needs, seeking ways you can be a couple rather than two individuals. I know the roach gets me because I know how he loves his wife. For the rest of you shlemiels, love your wife (or husband) first.
AMEN!
(shmiels') amen!
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