Did that title get your attention? I hope so. I'm not normally this upset when I blog. You're probably not as upset reading it as you will be soon. If you are a fundamentalist Christian, don't bother reading on. You already have me condemned from the title, and this blog will only make it worse. If you want to read about one of the biggest crimes of our culture, read on.
Today I met a friend for the first time face-to-face. He and I have e-mailed a few times, mostly about business. I knew early on that something was hurting my friend. He was a Christian brother, but something was "off." He had skeletons in his closet, and something was really hurting him. I suspected that his skeletons had to do with something sexual, since he spoke about his skeletons in broad terms like "thought life" and would only talk on the phone if he felt he were in a safe place. Our meeting today helped me to realize that I was somewhat correct. He wanted to talk, but he was nervous. When we established that I wasn't going to hurt him and probably wouldn't be shocked, he began to describe his tendency to same-sex attraction. What bothered me most about the conversation was the way he told me he had been treated by those from whom he asked for help. He had been ostracized, shamed, put aside. One pastor even said, "Look...just stop being attracted to men!" Easy for a straight person to say. My friend admitted he wasn't trying to be attracted to other men. He said he didn't even want to live a homosexual lifestyle. He said he agreed with the Christian idea that homosexual activity was sin. Still, he wanted help in overcoming it. He viewed attraction as temptation (reasonable, I think) rather than a biological thing. He said that while some people are born with a tendency to lie, others to kill, others to steal, he was born with a tendency to same-sex relationships. The only problem is that his sin was the only sin that is rarely discussed in Christian circles. He described his spiritual and devotional life and proceeded to describe his homosexual life. He felt trapped in a double life with no family or friend support. In fact, there was only hostility.
How can we Christians have the nerve to say something like, "We just need to love homosexuals." Sure, we need to love them, but are we doing it? No. How many of us would willingly sit for three hours listening to a guy whose life is upside-down, whose spirit was crying out, whose temptations led him to a lifestyle that we all call "disgusting" or an "abomination." We are so busy trying to spread the truth in "love" that we're not acting on the love we claim. Men and women with same-sex attraction have been the blunt of many jokes, have accrued many nicknames (like "f*g), and have sat at the edges of our "Christian" culture, longing to be part of a loving culture. We don't let them, though. They're different. All of you people reading this who think you're open-minded: do you do anything to get to know homosexual people? Do you sit with them and listen without telling them how bad they are? Do you hang out with them, or are you afraid to be "condoning" that lifestyle? Even if we do all these things, are our Christian circles safe enough that ANY person with ANY sin can speak freely about it? Are our churches places where people can be themselves enough to vent their feelings and sins and to be ready to grow after the fact? We dropped the ball on this a long time ago, Christians. We treat homosexual people as if they were a completely separate type of person. If homosexual people were another race, much of what we do to them would be a hate crime. We need to stop condemning their sin until we've acknowledged our sins in the way we approach the homosexual lifestyle.
I hope this was coherent. My heart is going out to an entire subculture of hurting people who feel something deep down for which they can't ask for help. Somewhere far away from most of you readers tonight is a guy who's hurting very deeply, longing for God, without any idea of how he can face the Lord with the sexual thoughts that plague his mind. I love that brother, and I can't wait for the Lord to make up for my deficiencies in relating to my homosexual friends.
12 comments:
Let's get together and talk. I have a friend who went through this, being ostercized by the church, even to the point of having "demons cast out"...he loved the Lord throughout and has since been freed and married...great story he has..we should talk.
Hi Lynn, this is Sarah Brown. The one still at Bethany. I really appriciate your post. It really makes me think about the way I think about, talk about, and treat the whole issue of homosexuality. Thank you! By the way, I really like your blog. I just started reading it.
To be honest...I just don't see this as a big problem where I live. One of the things new people say about our church is they are very accepting of all people.
Plus, homosexuality doesn't seem to be very common in our area.
i'm with you lynn. i think the christian community in general has dropped the ball on this one. now we're trying to get all up in arms to "defend marriage" but we already screwed our ability to speak to our culture when we stopped being jesus to hurting people.
i won't go any further, but big soapbox for me. keep up the lovin! your friend needs you i think (from what you described)
Lynn,
I wish I could use general terms like "we" and "the church", but I know I have personally screwd up with showing love to the hurt. I've had friends who've left the church and came back. One fell into a cult another homosexuality. I remained their acquaintance through it all, yet when they came back to the church, I held them at arms length, because I was scared, I didn't trust them.
I never told them to "just get better" or told them "to get lost". I showed them artificial love and didn't them. Fortunately we've moved from acquaintances to friends again, but I still have the same trust problem.
Don't misunderstand this comment, I do not think the way the church has treated social outcasts, such as homosexuals, is right or even close to godly.
However, I also don't want to sit piously from my religious throne and talk about how horrible everyone else is. I do not think that was your intent in your blog, btw.
I simply did not want to speak against the sin of others before I first confessed mine.
If we only speak against the sins of others without admitting to our own, we have simply become the next generation of Pharisees, white washed tombs in a new century.
I'm with you. I think we have shafted ourselves on our approach to Homosexuals. As a church we have chosen the stance most opposite to the one that will provide them with the love and acceptance they need and that will lead them to Christ, the only one who can realy help any of us. Righteous Indignation looks good on you.
Though I'm on my hobby horse, I'll only leave two responses:
1) For those of you who think homosexuality isn't common around you, I guarantee you that same-sex attraction is more prevalent than you might think. If same-sex attracted people felt safe to confess that and move on in life, then we'd probably know reality as opposed to our comfortable, "straight" communities. (For what it's worth, I've counseled with three guys who've confessed this to me...and they were ministers in training.)
2) Righteous indignance looks good on me? There are those who feel I wear it too much. Stick around and maybe you'll see some more of it. (By the way, thanks for the compliment, as I'm sure it was, coming from you.)
I shouldn't have said it's not common in my area compared to others. I don't know if that's true.
But the reality is our church is very accepting of people. I've counseled people with such feelings and they never had a problem with attitudes in the church.
To me, people seem to make the mistake of thinking all homosexuals are wanting to repent and join a church. That's a pretty ridiculous notion. The church, sometimes, gets in the way when that IS the case, but it's usually not the case at all.
Plus, it's currently 'cool' to complain about the church. We just 'critique' with holy indignation. I'm kinda sick of that and hope its a fad going out of style. If things need changed, change them.
I think one of the most damaging things Christiains do on the topic of homosexuality is make it its own topic. We treat it like some seperate sin. We treat the Christian response to it as a unique issue.
They're just lost people like everyone else outside the church.
Sorry this comment is unorganized. It's not directed at anyone in particular.
Matthew, I can only say how glad I am that your church seems to have it together on this one. The only comment I have to your church community is a request for prayer. Please pray for so many other churches who won't get it. I read an e-mail from a lamenting friend today. He's a pastor whose church board just said this about homosexual men: "Why don't we hang them up by their testicles until they get our point...?" (I left out more offensive talk, believe it or not.) Comments like this break my heart and yours, friend. Please, Lord, have mercy on us closeminded Christians who are cutting off an entire sub-culture of people.
Yes, it is a major problem. People find homosexuals repulsive. Many hate the sin and hate the sinner. And certainly there is some degree of that in every church.
My cousin is gay. Used to be a Bible Quizzer, a strong Christian. We've talked alot of this issue and he has written many articles on the church's view towards homosexuals. He interviewed pastors, etc. My heart is so angered by people's attitudes in general towards them (let alone the church). Yes sin is sin. lying, cheating, homosexualty, fornication. Yet, I hope that by now we all understand that its not always as simple as deciding not to sin. There are so many confusing issues surrounding a person's sexuality, and we need to listen. I commend you Lynn for being compassionate and loving. I wish more men weren't so freakin scared to be in the company and to show love to homosexuals. I'm glad you have posted on this issue.
Hey Lynn...I stumbled accross your blod while wandering through various BBC blogs (this is steph ward). I have to admit, I was caught by the title and thought I would read. I know the frustration you feel. I remember the looks on faces in my church when I told them my aunt was a lesbian. No one said anything mean, but there were times when there was a slight upturned lip, a look of disgust. Makes me want to ask them if they had ever sinned.
Really, why is homosexuality put up there with murder when things like pride, gossip, selfishnes and lack of compassion are easily glossed over as "mistakes" or "human nature". Yes, it is a sin, but it is not a plague. It brings the image to mind of a leper walking down the road yelling "unclean" and all the "good little christians" running and hiding.
there are chirstians who struggle with being attracted to other peoples wives, other peoples husbands, and, oddly, sometimes those (herterosexual) attractions that go too far are handled with more compassion than someone just admitting they have the attraction to the same sex.
ok, enough ranting about the problem. you have touched a subject very close to my heart, and i'm still working out the answers.
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