Indescribable

The Lord is leading me through something indescribable right now. Indescribable is quite something for me, one who talks a lot and uses words fairly well. This isn't just a phase of being speechless; it's a phase of knowing something is going on without being able to articulate it. I wonder if I even recognize it completely. There seems to be a fullness inside me. A peace. A firmness.

Yet, my emotions and mind are in a whirlwind lately. How am I ever going to minister in a church if Natasha can't minister, too? (Her anointing is clearer by the day!) How are we going to pay for college and minimize our debts? What happens if my sales at work are really low in a pay period? What if the Lord is really leading us somewhere unfamiliar in January? I feel excited, anxious, happy, sad, connected, lonely, etc., etc., etc.

What gives? What am I sharing all this? It's to say that the Lord is supremely good. The Rhynos heard me emoting the other night, asking why I feel settled and unsettled at the same time. They said, "You're relying on the Lord." Right. My eyes are fixed on Jesus. I've been this way before, but it seems as though I'm really fixed on Him anew. It feels like something I haven't done before. (I've always had a plan "B" before, too!) It feels safe, even though I shouldn't feel safe logically. If I were reading this instead of writing it, I'd say that the writer might be insane. I'm not. The Lord is just good. Very good. He's keeping me steady, drawing me to Him, while things around me make little sense and don't fit together well. I love HIM!!